a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
