He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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