I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
