I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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