eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
