high people should be assigned attendants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
