We won't sleep together?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
