morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
