i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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