My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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