I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize