You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
