Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
are you so shy because you have an std?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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