I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
