Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
