you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
