I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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