The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
