just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
