Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
