No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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