1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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