Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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