2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
