wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
