I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Everyone says I win the strip club
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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