is your mom at the bar?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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