On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
