I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
