Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
