I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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