i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm really busy with my period
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