i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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