whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
