bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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