Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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