: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You ate ashes out of my bong
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
