you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
