My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
