I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
