I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
