There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
