I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
