He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
