a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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