omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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