I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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