I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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