I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize