He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
