There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
