Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
