i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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