the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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