3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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