a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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