i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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