Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize