in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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