Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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