this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
