okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
