can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
