There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
