i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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