I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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