when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
