when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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