He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
