that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
