I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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