What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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