Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
