I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
